Can We Talk About This?

Ep.61: Birthing Again After Trauma with Dr Rosie Pajak

We end season 4 with a BIG one!

In this episode, I have the absolute privilege of chatting to Dr. Rosie, a clinical psychologist and founder of The Birth Healing Collective, to discuss the difficult yet common experience of birthing again after birth trauma. Dr. Rosie shares her expertise on how women can heal from a traumatic birth, rebuild trust in their bodies, and prepare emotionally, socially and practically for their next birth experience. We dive into practical strategies for managing fear and anxiety, the importance of a trauma-informed birth plan, and the crucial role partners play in the healing and birthing process. Whether you’ve experienced birth trauma firsthand or are supporting someone who has, this episode is packed with empowering advice to help navigate the journey towards a positive and empowering birth!

I am often asked "how do you have another baby after trauma?" and this episode is designed to address the nuance that comes with birthing again after trauma. Make sure you check out Dr Rosie's resources below and thank you for listening!

 

Resources:

The Birth Healing Collective and working with Dr Rosie: https://thebirthhealingcollective.com/

 

Dr Rosie's epic Better Birth Program: https://thebirthhealingcollective.com/better-birth/

 

Follow Dr Rosie @birth_healing_collective AND dr_rosie_psychologist 

 

Other supports:

birthtrauma.org.au

panda.org.au 

 

See you in season 5!

 

Disclaimer: This episode is intended for informational and educational purposes only. Please seek personalised, professional support and guidance for your upcoming birth. 

Ep.60: Relationship Changes & Challenges in Parenthood with Elly Taylor

Elly Taylor, an experienced relationship counsellor and perinatal researcher, shares her insights on why 92% of parents experience increased conflict and why 67% feel less happy in their relationships during the first year of parenthood. With over 25 years experience, Elly combines her extensive knowledge, insight, and personal journey to create a world-first relationship-developmental framework for couples and now trains professionals using this needed framework. In this episode, Elly offers actionable advice for couples navigating the tumultuous early years of parenting. 

We explore the surprising truths about relationship changes after having children, the common struggles couples encounter, and how to reconnect and grow stronger together. Elly addresses the emotional rollercoaster that comes with new parenthood, talking about everything from socio-cultural difficulties, disconnection, expectations, transition differences between men and women, mental health, intimacy challenges and just so much more.

Whether you're a new parent or preparing for parenthood, this episode is packed with wisdom and support from one of the leading experts in the field.

Don't miss out on this invaluable episode with Elly Taylor! 

 

For more resources and support:

Buy Becoming Us: The Couples Guide to Parenthood book: https://becomingusfamily.com/the-book

Get support for your relationship: https://becomingusfamily.com/parenthood

Becoming Us Counsellor Directory: https://becomingusfamily.com/meet-our-facilitators

For professionals working with couples: https://becomingusfamily.com/preparing-parents-for-parenthood

Becoming Me Again (for mothers): https://becoming-us-training.thinkific.com/courses/becoming-me-again

Ep.59: Amber's Story: Surviving Preeclampsia, HELLP Syndrome & Birth Trauma

#birthtraumaawareness

Amber Melissa Kennedy, a two-time preeclampsia survivor, opens up about her traumatic experiences with preeclampsia, HELLP Syndrome, and a rare epidural complication during childbirth. Amber shares about her pregnancies, labour and early postpartum experiences, including being sent home from the ER with severe preeclampsia. Amber reflects on that time with much anguish and speaks to the impact it had on her mental health, and shares about the fire in her to advocate for change. I also love that she wrote to her healthcare providers making them aware of the impact (good and bad) they had on her during her birth experience! Together we discuss the various current birth narratives that are harmful to women and hope for a better future for maternal healthcare everywhere. 

 

It's important to know the signs for preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome as early detection can prevent the conditions from worsening.  

For more information about HELLP syndrome and preeclampsia, please check out The Preeclampsia Foundation: https://www.preeclampsia.org/

 

If you have experienced birth trauma please consider seeking support with a perinatal therapist, or reaching out to organisations:

birthtrauma.org.au (Australia)

panda.org.au (Australia)

cope.org.au (Australia)

postpartum.net (International)

 

You can find Amber here: @daughtersoflucina  

Ep.58: Ebony's Story: Epilepsy, CMT & Motherhood

In this episode, Amber-lee, your host, sits down with Ebony, a young mother from Brisbane, as she shares her journey living with Epilepsy and Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease (CMT), which is a group of inherited disorders that cause nerve damage. Ebony opens up about her diagnoses, the impact of these conditions on her young life and current life, and the emotional rollercoaster of discovering her son Flynn has inherited CMT sharing the early signs of the condition to the supportive interventions that have helped him thrive. Ebony shares the challenges specifically living with epilepsy and the many unknowns in her life. This episode sheds light on the realities of living with a disability and raising a child with a genetic condition and the importance of support, education, and understanding in navigating these challenges. Ebony shares her reflections on resilience, acceptance, and advocacy and it was a beautiful conversation. 

 

You can find Ebony: @kingeeebs

 

Since this episode was recorded, Ebony has had her second baby via elective ceasarean and is enjoying the newborn bubble. For those wanting an update for her son Flynn, he is now walking and is enjoying his newfound skill. Ebony mentions that his feet still turn inward but they have been seeing a podiatrist to help as well as continuing with physio and hydro. Ebony says that Flynn has come so far since our conversation and that CMT definitely hasn’t stopped him from living a full life as a toddler. 

Ep.57 Navigating Prenatal Diagnosis with Pieta Shakes

This episode delves into the complex and often overlooked topic of prenatal diagnosis. Prenatal diagnosis involves genetic, developmental, or health issues in an unborn baby and statistics show that approximately 1 in 22 babies have a major congenital anomaly, and many of these diagnoses are made before birth. These diagnoses can be distressing and traumatic, presenting parents with difficult decisions and often accompanied by significant emotional and psychological challenges.

Your host, Amber-lee, has the pleasure of speaking with Pieta Shakes, founder of Through The Unexpected, a charity working to advocate for systemic and societal change and supports families navigating a prenatal diagnosis. Pieta shares her personal journey of receiving a prenatal diagnosis in her third trimester, describing the emotional turmoil, decision-making challenges, and the gaps in the healthcare system that often fail to support parents adequately. She discusses the importance of community, the need for better training for healthcare professionals to provide empathetic and informed care to parents receiving a prenatal diagnosis, and finding hope amidst uncertainty.

In this conversation, Pieta and Amber-lee explore the nuanced and varied experiences of parents navigating prenatal diagnoses, the impact on mental health, and the societal stigmas attached. They also talk about Pieta’s research focusing on the psychosocial aspects of prenatal diagnosis and her dedication to improving support systems for families facing these challenges. Pieta’s insights and advocacy for better care and support highlight the critical need for change in how we address and manage prenatal diagnoses.

 

If you are currently navigating prenatal diagnosis please see support, resources and information by Through The Unexpected: https://throughtheunexpected.org.au/

 

Find Pieta here: @throughtheunexpected 

Ep.56 Postnatal Psychosis: 'Because I'm Not Myself, You See' with Ariane Beeston

*As always, please consider what you are consuming

Amber-lee is joined by Ariane Beeston, postnatal psychosis survivor, psychologist,  former child protection caseworker, and writer who courageously shares her journey through postnatal psychosis after the birth of her son over a decade ago. Ariane's harrowing experience, detailed in her memoir "Because I'm Not Myself You See: A Memoir of Motherhood, Madness, and Coming Back from the Brink," offers a raw, real, and devastatingly honest look into the some of the most taboo and stigmatised experiences in maternal mental health.

 

Postnatal psychosis is a severe form of perinatal mental illness that occurs in approximately 1 to 2 out of every 1,000 mothers, typically within days to the first six weeks after childbirth. It is characterized by extreme confusion, hallucinations, delusions, and a loss of touch with reality, making it a psychiatric emergency that requires immediate treatment.

 

Ariane discusses the intense symptoms including seeing her baby as a dragon, thoughts of death and ending her life, the isolation of that time and shame around her experiences, the physical and emotional toll of depression, and the fears that kept her silent for so long. She reveals how a combination of expert psychiatric care, medication, and unwavering support from her husband helped her find a path to recovery. 

Amber-lee and Ariane explore the importance of acknowledging and addressing perinatal mental illness, the often-misunderstood nature of postpartum psychosis, intrusive thoughts, mandatory reporting and the vital role of support systems for both mothers and their families. This episode is a powerful testament to the importance of breaking the silence around maternal mental health struggles, and also the difficulties in bringing them to light.

 

Ariane's story is heartbreaking, but also carries so much hope for those who are currently struggling. Her book is shockingly relatable to any mother who has felt the weight of maternal mental illness and is brutally honest about that time and presentations of psychosis. I loved her book and hope the world accepts this beautiful and devastating poetic piece as it is.   

 

You can purchase her book here: https://www.blackincbooks.com.au/books/because-im-not-myself-you-see

 

Find Ariane on socials: @arianebeeston 

Read more of her work for COPE here:https://www.cope.org.au/author/ariane/

 

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, particularly related to perinatal or postpartum experiences, here are some valuable resources that can provide support and guidance:

www.cope.org.au

www.panda.org.au & National Helpline: 1300 726 306

www.lifeline.org.au  & 24/7 Crisis Support: 13 11 14

www.postpartum.net (global)

Ep.55 Your Maternal Brain: Challenging 'Baby Brain' & Relearning How Motherhood Changes Our Brains (for the better)

Do you feel different after having a baby? We've talked about matrescence but this episode is dedicated to understanding the biological changes and components of matrescence through a neuroscience lens. Host Amber-lee is joined by Dr. Sarah McKay, a renowned neuroscientist and author of Baby Brain: The surprising neuroscience of how pregnancy and motherhood sculpt our brains and change our minds (for the better), to delve deep into the neuroscience of motherhood, debunking common myths surrounding 'baby brain' and the changes women experience during pregnancy and after childbirth. From the influence of hormones to the reorganisation of the brain, Dr. McKay shares groundbreaking insights into how motherhood impacts the female brain, challenging the stigma associated with postnatal cognitive changes. Alongside discussing the physiological changes, this episode explores paternal brain adaptations, the psychology behind maternal instincts, and the vital importance of mental health and support for new mothers. Join us as together we shed light on the beauty and complexity of brain changes in motherhood, advocating for a mother-focused approach in society's understanding and support of women's health. Don't miss this episode full of revelations that will change the way you think about 'baby brain' and the incredible adaptability of the human brain during the journey of motherhood!

 

Get Dr Sarah McKay's book here: https://drsarahmckay.com/books/

and find her on socials @drsarahmckay 

 

Transcript available www.thepowerofbirth.net 

 

 

Ep.54 We Have So Many Reasons To Be Angry: Unpacking Anger & Rage in Motherhood

In this enlightening episode, host Amber-lee, delves into the complex web of anger and rage in motherhood with guest Yara Heary, a dedicated psychologist from Life After Birth Psychology. They explore the nuances of anger as both a valid and misunderstood emotion, distinct yet connected to the journey of mothering. The conversation traverses the landscape of societal expectations, cultural contexts, and the barriers that mothers face, illuminating the intricate ways in which support systems, or the lack thereof, shape our experiences, while sharing their own mothering experiences with rage. Aimed at breaking down stigmas and navigating the turbulent waters of maternal emotions, this episode offers insights into reclaiming power, finding community, and the transformational paths through the protective emotion of anger.

This episode is a powerful listen and I hope it brings you some relief, but also the motivation to find support where you need it. 

 

Yara's Why Am I So Angry self paced course is available here: https://lifeafterbirthpsychology.podia.com/why-am-i-so-angry

 

Work with Yara or listen to her podcast: https://www.lifeafterbirth.com.au/ 

 

Transcript available www.thepowerofbirth.net 

Ep.53 Mental Health Mini Series #6 Make Self Compassion Your Superpower

In the final episode of the mental health mini-series, join host Amber-lee as she explores the transformative power of self-compassion. I delve into the concept of self-compassion with insights from leading researcher Dr. Kristen Neff and discover the key elements of self-kindness, shared humanity, and mindfulness as tools to nurture understanding and care towards oneself. Through relatable scenarios of fictional mothers Kate and Nora, listeners witness the impact of self-compassion on navigating the challenges of motherhood and emotional health. Practical strategies and insights are offered and backed by neuroscience to cultivate self-compassion and reshape inner dialogues. Tune in to uncover the importance of challenging societal stigmas and beliefs to embrace self-compassion as a form of self-love and empowerment, understand why self-compassion precedes gratitude and how practicing kindness with determination leads to personal growth. Self-compassion fosters resilience, enhances motivation, and promotes emotional wellbeing - compassion is not a weakness, in fact it is so powerful it can quite literally transform your brain for the better! 

Thank you for tuning into the mental health mini-series! Don't forget to leave a review on whatever podcast platform you are listening on. I appreciate you for being here!

 

Resources:

Dr Kristen Neff website: https://self-compassion.org/

Kristen Neff self-compassion test: https://self-compassion.org/self-compassion-test/

To find out more about the perfect mother myth mentioned in this episode see: https://drsophiebrock.com/

Grab your free self compassion based motherhood affirmations here: https://www.thepowerofbirth.net/

 

Finding Support in Australia:

PANDA.org.au 

1300 726 306

COPE.org.au

Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

Gidget Foundation

Black Dog Institute 1300 851 758

 

Disclaimer: While the content of this podcast is intended to provide support and guidance, it is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. The techniques and practices discussed here are general in nature and may not be suitable for everyone.

If you are experiencing significant distress, mental health concerns, or trauma, I encourage you to seek support from a qualified mental health professional. Additionally, if at any point during this episode you feel overwhelmed or triggered, please turn it off and talk to someone or do something that is helpful to you.

 

TRANSCRIPT

Welcome to the last episode of the mental health mini series, episode six, make self compassion your superpower. There is actual power in self compassion. And if you were anything like me a couple of years ago, and you really lacked self compassion, I hope that this episode just plants the seed of self compassion today I first want to give you a good understanding of what self compassion is. So it's a concept that's gained a lot of attention, but thanks to psychologists like Dr. Kristen Neff, who is now the leading researcher in self compassion. She says it involves treating ourselves with the same kindness, concern, and support we'd offer a good friend when they're struggling. There are three key parts to this. Self kindness. Shared humanity and mindfulness. I did mindfulness a few episodes ago, so make sure that you go back and check that one out to help balance this out a little bit.

And as I have a focus on mothers in this podcast, women's health, motherhood, reproductive health, and perinatal mental health, or just mental health in general. That's because motherhood comes with these incredibly high unrealistic expectations, which then turn, harsh judgments, whether that be from yourself or from others. It's all perpetuated by the myth of this perfect mother, this perfect mother does not exist. And yet every mother to some degree will set her expectations up against her perception of what the perfect mother is. And this myth can make us feel like we are never enough and that we're a bad mom and that we're never measuring up. Self compassion offers us a way out of that emotional trap by helping us treat ourselves with understanding and care, like we would a friend. Some of us are very good at offering compassion to others and not very good at offering it to ourselves. And then some of us are not very good at giving it to others and then in turn, we are [00:02:00] not very good at giving it to ourselves. So be mindful of where you're sitting in this I guess you could call it this spectrum of self compassion where we've got really harsh judgmental criticisms on one one end and self compassion and self love on the other. Where are you?

Are you meeting in the middle? Do you have a bit of both? Are you leaning more to one side than the other? I want you to open up and understand where you're at. Now I'm going to offer two little scenarios here of two mothers. They are completely fictional characters and fictional lives and everything about them is fictional. I've literally made them up. the top of my head. They might feel very real though, and maybe relatable. That's the point. So I'm going to give you these scenarios and I'm going to use these mothers as I guess my examples throughout this episode.

So Kate, she is a 34 year old mother of three all school aged children. She's now juggling a full time career in marketing after taking a break to raise her kids. So she's just getting back into the game and lately, she's finding herself incredibly overwhelmed. She's trying to balance that work home life and is finding it very difficult and often feeling guilty and inadequate. She often finds herself yelling at her kids. She's feeling very stressed in her body and tense. She's not sleeping very well at night because the to do list and tabs in her brain are open all night long. And she often has thoughts of I'm just failing at everything. I'm such a burden. I'm messing up my kids, et cetera, et cetera. Then we have Nora who's 26. She's a stay at home mom who is taking care of her two younger children, including an eight week old baby. So she's fresh in postpartum and has a toddler. She's absolutely exhausted. She struggles to find time for even basic care like shower and food and often feels low and frustrated and is always judging herself harshly. My house is always a mess. I'm disgusting. Why can't I do this? I should be doing this. She's having those kinds of thoughts.

Now, instead of Kate coming home and taking a stress out on her kids or her family, or even on herself with her really harsh critical thoughts. What if Kate took a moment to pause before she walked in the door or before she picked up the kids or whatever she was about to do and just took a breath. So this is the mindfulness coming into it. And what if Kate's inner dialogue was something like, I am feeling really overwhelmed and that's okay because I have a lot on my plate right now and it's normal to have moments of frustration doesn't make me a bad mom. It just makes me human. What would Kate's behavior look like now? So instead of being disconnected from her body and listening to those harsh critical thoughts. What if Kate took a moment to drop anchor, recognize how she's feeling in her body. And talk to herself in a compassionate way.

What would happen when Kate walked through that door?

Now, instead of Nora comparing herself and her house to others and being critical of her mothering and the like, what if Nora changed her dialogue to something like, I am completely exhausted and I haven't slept and it's okay to feel the way I feel right now. I'm still a good mom. It's just really tough right now, but I'm doing the best that I can.

What would her thoughts and behavior look like now?

Just simply having a moment of self kindness doesn't erase our challenges. It just offers us, or in this instance, Kate and Nora, a space of grace, which then helps to navigate your feelings with more gentleness and less judgment. And then in turn, gentleness with others this is the superpower of self compassion.

Now, I know many people struggle with self compassion and that is due to a combination of things like societal influences, depending on your culture, with self expression and expectation, also your personal experiences, maybe your upbringing, how you were spoken to as a child, where you ever offered compassion and just, These really internalized beliefs around strength and resilience and worthiness and productivity and the like.

 Which all implicitly discourages expressions of vulnerability or self kindness and deems them as signs of weakness. And from a young age, lots of people may receive messages that value this sort of toughness and criticize emotional sensitivity, which leads to harsh self criticisms.

 Often our early life experiences play a really crucial role in shaping how we are compassionate either to ourselves or to others. If you grew up in a home where affection or approval was based on like achievements or how well you suppressed your emotional needs, you might find it particularly challenging to embrace self compassion. And you even might fear that accepting your flaws or limitations could result in rejection or judgment. And that can be a really scary place to be. I just want to acknowledge how that feels. I just want to acknowledge that is reality for a lot of people. If this is really big and really deep for you, I do encourage you to go and seek some other professionals or resources to be able to get past those things so that you can practice self compassion. If that is your goal.

There's also a lot of misunderstanding of what self compassion entails. So many confuse it with like self pity or a lack of accountability, fearing that being kind to ourselves will undermine motivation or lead to some kind of complacency. But research actually has shown that self compassion fosters resilience, lowers emotional exhaustion and can actually enhance motivation by reducing this fear of failure. So individuals are more likely to persist in their goals when they treat themselves with kindness after setbacks rather than harsh criticisms. So if you think of Kate and Nora is struggling to keep up with the demand of having small children and feels like she's failing at it because she's got a messy a house or She didn't make her bed that morning or she's feeding the kids chips for dinner or whatever And then Kate who's Really harsh and yelling at her kids because she's just so incredibly stressed all the time. If we think about those two women in this scenario, how does self compassion reshape their lives?

The last thing I wanted to mention was stigma. We can't get past it when we talk about mental health issues, but stigma exacerbates difficulties in practicing self compassion. So those suffering from mental health challenges like anxiety or depression, they might internalize this societal stigma, which leads them to believe that they are fundamentally flawed or at fault for their struggles and this all comes down to self blame and it makes it really difficult to extend kindness and understanding to themselves when they have this really heavy self blame. And it's perpetuated by that cycle of really unhelpful self talk and emotional distress. So overcoming these barriers to self compassion requires challenging these long held beliefs and understanding the genuine meaning of self compassion and gradually cultivating a more kinder and more supportive inner dialogue and approach.

Learning to be a friend to yourself, if anything. Now, practicing self compassion is not always easy particularly if you struggle with any of the things that I've mentioned but to overcome these challenges, it's important to recognize and question the beliefs that hold us back. And remember that practicing self compassion is about building a healthier, more supportive relationship with yourself. Now, on that note, I wanted to talk a little bit to the neuroscience of self compassion because the brain is incredibly fascinating and it also just makes a lot more sense.

 If you've been quite critical of yourself throughout your life, what happens when we have certain thoughts repeatedly is that you've heard the saying neurons that fire together, wire together. Your brain has then created these pathways of thought, and we can call them negative thoughts if you like, or criticisms. It's built these pathways of criticisms. Now doing this over a long period of time, those pathways become really strong. So then it can feel really difficult to think of anything else about yourself. But what self compassion can do is the more you practice this, it can create a new pathway. So a new pathway for compassionate thoughts around the already very strong pathways.

I saw a hypnotherapist a couple of years ago and he explained the process of a new thought or a new pathway as if you can imagine really tall, long grass, and you want to make a pathway through this really tall, long grass. After you walk the same pathway in that long grass multiple times, it's probably not going to be a very big visual pathway, right? But what if you did it for a week or a month or six months? What do you think the pathway in the long field of grass would look like now? Do you think it would be obvious? Do you think it would be flattened enough to be easier to see and walk through? If you're thinking about your brain like this really tall, long grass, and you're trying to create these new self compassion thought pathways in your brain, it has to be practiced regularly so that it sticks – the new pathway will eventually overtake the old pathways.

 The impact of self compassion on your brain is actually really profound. It affects both your neurological and your psychological processes and research in the field of neuroscience has began to uncover how self compassion can lead to these positive brain changes and structures and functions, which ultimately influences our emotional regulation, our stress response, and our, Overall mental health. So what they found was harsh criticisms cause high cortisol, meaning it switches on the threat systems. And the more you criticize yourself, the more you create a threat and you get stuck in that stressful loop. A threatened nervous system is one where change cannot occur. So we have to be able to get ourselves out of that threatened state. Kindness tells your nervous system that you are safe. So then you can apply that kindness, that compassion. And when you perceive safety, that's when your body is safe. Can relax and settle you're back in that parasympathetic nervous state It's the rest and digest your mind opens and literally the synapses Open up allowing you to consider process and integrate new information. So practice kindness.

Now a lot of the talk is about gratitude. Gratitude is everywhere you look practice gratitude and oftentimes people will practice gratitude and be like, I feel worse. I never tell people to practice gratitude. And here's why. So when you're faced with life challenges, common advice is just to be more grateful, right? We, I'm sure we've all said that to ourselves at some point. This often exacerbates rather than alleviates the emotional burden you're experiencing in the first place.

And this happens because the emphasis on practicing gratitude often neglects a fundamental prerequisite, which is self compassion. Jumping straight into gratitude without recognizing or validating our pain. But, May inadvertently intensify the feelings of inadequacy or shame or guilt or whatever that feeling is. It's a way of dismissing the genuine difficulties you're already experiencing. And you may just bury those feelings further. If I could give you an example, so we'll use Kate. So she's been struggling with anger and yelling at her kids, which is a really common experience for mothers. And she believes due to these deeply ingrained beliefs about certain emotions, that the solution to her feelings is to just be more grateful, by comparing her situation to those less fortunate, which is often what we do when we practice gratitude and acknowledging the positives in her life, which is just like a positive thought insertion. She just instantly feels guilty and shame for her having those emotions in the first place. And then we'll and suppress her feelings. Never really addressing the anger.

Now, in that same scenario with the same mother, Kate, now imagine she acknowledges her anger and her outbursts without judgment and understanding that it's a natural response to her circumstances. And she reminds herself that it's okay to feel overwhelmed and that her emotions are valid without comparing her situation to others or downplaying her feelings. Just simply accepting and comforting herself. She creates a space to explore the roots of her feelings, helping to create a healthier emotional landscape. I will always say self compassion over gratitude

It's also been found that people who practice kindness paired with determination are people that evolve the most. A great starting point to understand self compassion and identify areas for growth for you is Kristen Neff self compassion test. I will put all of her details and the test in the show notes. Make sure you check them out. Plenty of guided meditations are also offerings that she gives and they're all available on her website. And they're just such a great resource for beginners here. The last thing was affirmations or journaling. I loved affirmations because it helped me flip that script. It reminded me that there are different pathways of thought that I can access. And I've written some affirmations for mums, which are self compassion based. And if you subscribe to my website, the power of birth. net, you get free access to over 30 self compassion based affirmations designed for mothers. And I also have birth affirmations there as well. So if you're interested, make sure you check those out.

I want you to remember that self compassion isn't just a practice. It's actually a journey towards recognizing your inherent worth and your strength. It's about acknowledging the struggle is part of being a human and that you're not alone. I really hope that you embrace self compassion and you reap the benefits of this way of living. Thank you so much for joining me in the mental health mini series. I hope you've enjoyed it.

And until next time.

 

Ep.52 Mental Health Mini Series #5 Acceptance

In this episode, Amber-lee, the host of the mental health mini-series, delves into the powerful concept of acceptance. Drawing from her training in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, she explores the importance of allowing emotions to be felt without judgment or resistance. Through a meditative exercise, Amber-lee guides listeners on a journey to accept and surf through their emotions like waves in the ocean, fostering a deeper understanding of emotional navigation and acceptance. Tune in to gain insights on embracing the full spectrum of human emotions and practicing acceptance in daily life.

Feelings Wheel available here: https://feelingswheel.com/

I encourage you to listen to the whole episode but if you would just like to enjoy the meditation start at 10:20.

 

Disclaimer: While the content of this podcast is intended to provide support and guidance, it is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. The techniques and practices discussed here are general in nature and may not be suitable for everyone.

If you are experiencing significant distress, mental health concerns, or trauma, I encourage you to seek support from a qualified mental health professional. Additionally, if at any point during this episode you feel overwhelmed or triggered, please turn it off and talk to someone or do something that is helpful to you.

 

Finding Support in Australia:

PANDA.org.au 

1300 726 306

COPE.org.au

Beyond Blue 1300 224 636

Gidget Foundation

Black Dog Institute 1300 851 758

 

Outside of Australia: Postpartum Support International www.postpartum.net 

TRANSCRIPT

Hello, welcome back to another mental health mini series episode. Today I want to take you through the concept of acceptance. So accepting emotions probably sounds maybe a little vague or cliche, but I wanted to do an episode on acceptance because I have learned just how powerful this tool is. I recently completed some training in acceptance and commitment therapy, and while what we're going to do today is certainly not even close to it, I think the concept of acceptance is important and easy for everyone to understand practicing it may feel a little more difficult, but I just wanted to be able to give you a taste.

So firstly, I'll just take you through what I mean by acceptance, and then we'll do a brief meditative exercise to kind of help you incorporate the practice of acceptance in your life. Hopefully it'll just give you a good idea of what it means to accept all emotions.

So acceptance means to allow your feelings to be what they are without judgement or trying to change them and acknowledging your emotions no matter how uncomfortable they might be I want you to think about how often maybe you criticise yourself for feeling a certain way or maybe you avoid certain feelings, you tell yourself you're not allowed to feel them

Some emotions become so stigmatized, we feel even guilty for feeling them normal human emotions and we feel guilty or we suppress or we criticize or we avoid, we may have been told that certain emotions or thoughts were wrong or inappropriate. And maybe people are often uncomfortable around certain emotions for themselves, for others. So it's unacceptable for them to have them, but that also means everyone else can't have them. Now, when we talk about acceptance, a lot of people mix it up with thinking that we tolerate or put up with, or we give in or we're resigning ourself to it, but it's more about being able to drop the struggle with it and just making room, opening up for that emotion, that difficult emotion, letting ourselves feel The full range of the human emotions. If we open ourselves up to feeling the way that we do and just let it flow through us, giving it time to kind of dissipate in its own time, like all emotions do. This is actually really beneficial to our mental health. I like the analogy where if like you think about emotions like the weather, For example, sunny, cloudy, rainy, stormy, light, dark.

And then you think of yourself as the sky, the sky, experiencing. Changing weathers, right? You experience changing emotions. Sometimes it seems like we can have four seasons in one day and other days, maybe it's a good day. It's a sunny, nice beach day. And then sometimes we're going to have to weather the storms, right? So the sky remains, we remain as we are. And the weather comes and goes, doesn't define the sky. It doesn't fight the sky. The sky accepts the weather as it is. And this is what I would like you to consider today.

Something that I often find really helpful is to notice and name the feeling. So a lot of the time we're kind of going through our days and weeks and we're not really paying attention to what's happening in our body or in our mind. just being able to either put it out there by saying it aloud or putting it into our conscious thoughts. Things like I'm noticing a feeling of frustration. For example, you can now build on that. So not only are you noticing what you're feeling and you have expressed that with some kind of openness or curiosity or acknowledgement, you're naming it You're normalizing it and then you're kind of understanding the purpose of it. So I'm noticing I'm feeling frustrated. So you've noticed and you've named. It's normal to be frustrated right now because I've had no sleep and then I've had a really big day. I'm just making this up off the top of my head, but You see what I did there? I noticed, I named, I normalized because all emotions are normal. We'll get to that, um, point about emotions and normal behavior and expression of emotion is where the disconnect happens. But you've noticed, you've named, you've normalized, and then you've figured out the reason or the purpose of that emotion.

What is your body telling you? You're overwhelmed, you're frustrated, you've had no sleep, you've had a big day, you've had no breaks, you've had small children at you, your baby's cried non stop all night, you know, like there are reasons that we feel the way that we feel. And being able to acknowledge and name and notice, it kind of takes away some of its power or its hold on us and we can drop the struggle with it.

In the show notes, you'll find. Uh, what I, what's called the feelings wheel. This is something like all therapists and psychologists, et cetera, use. Now this has 72 different feelings and emotions on it. 72. It's funny because before I knew that it was 72, I was like, uh, you know, there's probably like 15 different emotions that I probably feel on a regular basis, but then you read the feelings and you're like, Oh no, yep. I've had all 72 throughout my life. and I encourage you to open up that document, print it out, have it somewhere where you can refer back to it when you want to practice noticing and naming. Because sometimes we don't always have the vocabulary to articulate how we feel and using the feelings wheel can give you that power. I find it really, really helpful to do.

 I want you to know that there are so many benefits to practicing acceptance. And usually, like anything, we see the benefits over time. You know, nothing is necessarily immediate or imminent. Sometimes I will feel an immediate, response, like in breath work, for example, I feel the difference, but it's not until over a period of time that you've been practicing this skill that you will really start to notice the difference from when you started to where you are now. So I encourage you to practice the skill of acceptance. What we found in this practice is that. Big emotions actually become less intense and research has even found that it leads to better mental health But we still don't actually understand how it's a bit of a phenomenon What we do know though is that if we put up a fight so we suppress avoid criticize With these feelings that we don't want to experience or we can't accept, it can keep us in this dysregulated state and eventually lead to worse emotional health.

So that's just something to consider that sometimes our coping mechanisms are not actually helping us cope. Okay, let's get into the meditation now. I hope that kind of gave you a really good idea of what acceptance means. Think of the sky, think of the weather. I found that really helpful when I was learning about it. So the purpose of this meditation, it's just designed to help you navigate some big emotions you might be having lately, and it helps you practice acceptance and face those emotional ups and downs with more openness and curiosity and acceptance and compassion, et cetera. We're trying to drop the struggle with the big emotions. So throughout this exercise, pick a big emotion that you find that you're struggling with and try and incorporate that as I take you through it. Okay. Cue the music. Here we go.

Now just begin by finding a comfortable position, could be seated or lying down, whatever you prefer. Close your eyes if it's safe to do so, or just soften your gaze. And just take a moment, take this moment to settle into your space. Letting go of any immediate distractions or tensions.

Now take three deep breaths. Inhaling slowly through your nose, feeling your chest and your belly rise and then exhaling gently through your mouth.

Take another breath, exhale when you're ready and with each breath just imagine releasing any tension you're holding in your body.

Now picture yourself sitting or standing on a beautiful serene beach. Feeling that warmth of the sun on your skin, the soft sand beneath your feet, the gentle breeze against your face, hearing the rhythmic sound of the waves crashing onto the shore.

As you walk towards the water, imagine yourself picking up a surfboard, feeling its weight and texture, and now you're preparing to enter the water. Not to battle the waves, but to ride them and to flow with them.

Now you wade into the water with your surfboard and you begin paddling out to sea. Just notice the water's temperature and the strength of the waves in the ocean, and the vastness of it all around you. And you feel a sense of respect for its power. but also a deep confidence in your ability to navigate it.

Once you're beyond the breakers, sit up on your board, looking back towards the shore. This ocean represents your emotional landscape. The waves are like your emotions, sometimes calm, sometimes turbulent, but always in motion, always flowing, always changing.

Imagine a wave forming in the distance, growing as it approaches you. This wave represents an emotion you've been feeling recently.

As it nears, instead of paddling away, or fearing its impact, position yourself to ride the wave. Feel the anticipation, but also a deep sense of presence and readiness.

As the wave lifts you up, start to surf it. Feel the emotion as a physical sensation in your body. Whether it's a tightening in your chest, a warmth in your belly, a tingling in your limbs. Whatever it is, just allow it to be there without judgement.

Stay with the wave. Riding it with balance and focus. Notice how it feels to move with the emotion, not trying to control it, but also not being controlled by it. You are both part of the wave and apart as the wave inevitably begins to lose its power. Feel yourself gently coming down, the emotion is receding. You're left with a sense of accomplishment, and a deeper understanding of your ability to navigate your emotional world.

How does that feel?

Now paddle back out for another wave, knowing that each wave is an opportunity to accept your emotions. To learn from them, understand them.

And with each ride, your skills as an emotion surfer improve, and your fear of the wave diminishes.

Ride those waves as they come. What emotions are coming up for you

allow them to be as the wave. Coming and going. Flowing with intensity. Maybe they're appearing out of nowhere.

Understand that you have this ability to ride the wave.

After a few moments, begin to paddle back to shore. Step out of the water, feeling that sand and earth beneath your feet again. And now look back at the ocean.

Just thank it for its lessons.

Now take a deep breath in, bringing your awareness back to your physical surroundings in the room that you're in. And as you exhale, gently open your eyes and lift your gaze, carrying with you the strength and the wisdom you've gained from the ocean, your emotional landscape.

Remember that you are an emotion surfer. You have the strength and the ability to ride the waves of your emotions, learning from them, moving through them with acceptance.

That concludes our meditation today. I hope you understood a little bit more about what it means to accept your emotions and I hope you can practice being open to that. Acknowledge your default feelings, your default thoughts and your default behaviors and work on allowing yourself to feel the full range of human emotions because that's what makes you human.

Thanks for being here.